The Machines Revolt

I think my bread maker is pissed at me. After all, I did stick it next to the notoriously unreliable slow cooker in the basement. How else would you explain this?

Bread oozing out of my bread machine

If you don’t have such an infernal contraption, that is NOT what bread baking in a bread machine is supposed to look like. The bread is supposed to rise happily within the confines of the pan and then get a lovely crust. It is not supposed to ooze and seep out of the bread machine like a bad 1950s horror movie.

User error, you say? My reply, “Bah! I’m perfect. I never make mistakes.” OK, actually, I knew it was going to be a disaster as I was putting the ingredients in the pan. I kept thinking, “This is way too much stuff for this pan. But, a recipe in a book is never wrong. I must have faith.” The recipe had three versions: Small, medium, and large. Being the glutton that I am, I went with large. Um… yeah. I shoulda gone with the medium size loaf. Or, maybe the cookbook could have put the actual size in pounds. As in, the large version will make a 10 pound loaf of bread. Make sure you live in giant land with a giant size bread machine before trying this recipe.

At any rate, this gem came from The Cook’s Encyclopedia of Bread Machine Baking. Use at your own peril.

Blueberry and Oatmeal Bread

  • ⅞ C water (why not a full cup, I asked myself… sigh)
  • ⅞ C milk
  • 2 eggs
  • 5½ C unbleached white bread flour, plus 2 T for coating the blueberries
  • ½ C rolled oats
  • 2 t ground apple pie spice (I used pumpkin pie because I didn’t have apple… I figured it was probably pretty similar)
  • 5 T granulated sugar
  • ¾ t salt
  • ¼ C butter
  • 2 t rapid-rise active dry yeast
  • Scant 1 C blueberries

Pour the water, milk, and eggs into the bread machine pan (or reverse the order if you machine calls for yeast in first).

Sprinkle the flour over, ensuring it covers the liquid (sprinkle more than 5 cups… yeah, I dumped). Add the oatmeal and spice. Add the sugar, salt, and butter in separate corners. Make an indentation in the center of the flour (but not down as far as the liquid) and add the yeast.

Set the bread machine to the basic/normal setting, with raisin setting (if available), medium crust. Press Start. Toss the berries with the extra flour to coat. Add to the dough when the machine beeps, or after the first kneading.

Remove the bread from the pan at the end of the baking cycle and turn out onto a wire rack to cool.


I had reservations as I was watching the beginning stir cycle. My machine wasn’t even properly incorporating all of the ingredients—that’s how much crap was stuffed inside the pan.

Then, I found the mess seen above, but I let it finish off the cooking cycle. When I scraped the bread up and turned it out of the pan, I put it in the oven just to make sure it was completely baked.

My bread mistake

Ugly as sin, but still edible bread. The crusty bits on the edges were especially good. I also liked how all of the blueberries sunk to the bottom so it was all gooey down at that end.

Who am I kidding? This was a hysterical disaster. Cleaning out the inside of the bread machine took the better part of an hour. Back to the basement with you, bread maker!


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  1. #1 by petra on 3.27.2012 - 8:57 pm

    At least you know your yeast still works. Unlike mine. And I basically double it already. In defense of your breadmaker, that sounds like a giant loaf! I’ve got a BIG pan and it only takes about 4 cups worth of a bread….

    • #2 by e.marie on 3.29.2012 - 7:11 pm

      i know, i should be nice and give it one more chance… maybe i’ll stop trying to do interesting breads and just stick to white and wheat…

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